The moment Mother told her to talk to Dad, I knew something was up.

"This is going to rock your world."

She had no idea.

I thought it could've been many things, and, one of the things I feared turned out to be true. I immediately was hyperventilating, eye wide with fear and trying to mouth to Mother, to interrogate her, but she stubbornly refused.

When I mouthed the exact words, Mum's reaction calmed me a little, so I went back out to the computer to try and calm down. But ... then Sophie came out. In the most ridiculous manner she told me, and I felt like I was trapped in a dream. I asked her multiple times if she were serious, and went complete deadpan and hid my face in my hand/tissue in order to hide my reaction. But she noticed the tears and the choked up sobbing.

Why did I react like this?

Why am I not happy for her, like a good sister would be?

Well... To put it frankly...
(This is where you should stop reading. I'm warning you, it's nothing but dark thoughts.)

∙ He is NO help. She'll spend her life on her knees, scrubbing floors after dogs and cats and a swarm of children while he's off doing whatever (getting smokes and running off with his mob or whatever she says he does) like freaking Cinderella. They constantly argue and threaten to break up, but she always comes back because he's such a 'charmer', and for the sake of the children, but she's the one who ends up on the couch in the freezing cold when he's done the wrongs. Tell me, what sort of family is that?

∙ She'll have that useless pirate of a 'father' and all his mob for in-laws, all their swearing and alcohol and verbal abuse.  

∙ She's basically throwing her life away. This is not a temporary thing. Her youth is ending, and she will change drastically.

∙ They cannot support a child. They will be relying almost solely off of good old Mum and Dad, who can barely support themselves. And, if one does not quit their job, then it will mostly be us raising the thing. And ... yes, I will admit that I am somewhat selfish in this, but no, I did not sign on for this ... and, I feel that now my youth, too, has ended with this. I will no longer hold much importance in the family, as they all will be preoccupied with this child, and will also expect me to take on the responsibilities of aunt, of which I do not feel ready to accept in the slightest.

∙ I feel like ... it's the end of all good things, and the beginning of so much more chaos that I do not want. I don't want to be a part of this, but I still love her so much and she's been not only a sister but almost a parent and guardian and role model. I don't want the good times to end. I don't want her to change. I don't want to be without her. I don't know how I can endure this without breaking myself.

She's in for a life of misery, and I can do nothing about it. Or, at least my mother says I cannot change things, but she does not understand what sorts of things I can see. The things I worry about. Things I do not want to even type out. This is not even a fraction, and is all I can put into eloquent words. I had to leave the house because I could not stand to hear their giggling conversation in the next room and sat out in the cold shed sobbing grossly, trying to compose myself, until eventually Sophie found me (and, embarrassingly, Mum and Dad also). This is why I was intent on Mother telling me before she did. I didn't want her to see my reaction, afraid it would drive us apart. I love her, I really do. But she's already changed, and this will only change her more and I'm afraid to lose her entirely to this.

Please.

Please tell me it's not true.

Please, not only my own sake.

I don't know what to do.

What do I do?

Do I tell her the truth and share the burden, or leave her in her innocence and suffer alone in silence?

I tried to, but ...

I'm not okay.

I'm not okay.

I'm not okay.